- Communicate
- Address issues with immediacy.
- Communicate in a consistent and efficient manner.
- Listen for both the immediate concern and for underlying issues.
- Consider
- The school’s code of conduct.
- The school council’s bylaw regarding conflict resolution (if the matter involves
members of the school council).
- Board policies and procedures regarding parent protocol, harassment, conflict resolution, safe schools, etc.
- The board’s code of conduct applies to all participants involved in the school system (students, parents or guardians, volunteers, teachers and other staff members) on school property, on school buses or at school-authorized events or activities.
Seek first to understand then to be understood.
Stephen Covey
- Responding to Harassing Behaviour
Parents may become confrontational when they believe that their complaint is not being dealt with appropriately or because confrontation has been an effective tool for them in the past.
There are a number of strategies that may be used to deal with the problem of parental harassment. Consult with the supervisory officer to determine which is appropriate in the circumstance.
| 1. Issue: |
What should a principal do when confronted with a parent who is being physically violent or threatening physical violence against him or her? |
Advice
- Contact the police to lay a charge of assault or uttering threats.
- Inform the supervisory officer of the incident.
- Seek a restraining order to keep the parent away from the administrator at school and at home.
- Issue a trespass letter to the parent in the format adopted by your board, perhaps with reference to the Education Act A.265(m).
- Restrict the parent’s access to the school in accordance with Regulation 474 and your board’s policy.
| 2. Issue: |
What should a principal do when a parent disrupts the school by persistently coming onto school property to confront the administrator, teachers or other staff? |
CAUTION: The following options should be used only after non-legal strategies have been tried and have failed. Your supervisory officer should be notified that you wish to pursue legal action. Boards are normally prepared to support principals or vice-principals in taking such action. Consultation with the OPC Protective Services Team is also recommended.
Advice
- The administrator’s decision to exclude a person from the school is subject to an appeal. Refer to your board policy on “Access to Premises.”
- You must seek the support of your supervisory officer for any decision to keep a parent from coming onto school premises.
| 3. Issue: |
A parent publishes or communicates false and defamatory information about an administrator by way of letters to the media, other parents or the board, by circulating petitions, vocalizing statements to other parents at school council meetings or at other public events, or by simply spreading rumours. |
CAUTION: The following options should be used only after non-legal strategies have been tried and have failed. Your supervisory officer should be notified that you wish to pursue legal action. Boards are normally prepared to support principals or vice-principals in taking such action. Consultation with the OPC Protective Services Team is also recommended.
Advice
- The administrator’s decision to exclude a person from the school is subject to an appeal. Refer to your board policy on “Access to Premises.”
- You must seek the support of your supervisory officer for any decision to keep a parent from coming onto school premises.
| 4. Issue: |
A parent repeatedly follows the administrator from place to place, communicates with the administrator, or the administrator’s family, watches or attends at the administrator’s home and/or school, or engages in threatening conduct. |
CAUTION: The following options should be used only after non-legal strategies have been tried and have failed. Your supervisory officer should be notified that you wish to pursue legal action. Boards are normally prepared to support principals or vice-principals in taking such action. Consultation with the OPC Protective Services Team is also recommended.
Advice
- Consider a “cease and desist” letter to the parent from board legal counsel.
- Contact the police to lay a charge of criminal harassment.
- If the police are uncooperative or the parent’s conduct does not amount to criminal harassment, consider commencing a civil action, so as to bring a motion for an injunction to restrain the parent from engaging in the harassing behaviour.
(Source: OPC Professional Advice Article: Relationships with Parents; www.principals.ca)
Further Reading
OPC Professional Advice Article: Relationships with Parents, available on the OPC website at www.principals.ca Whitaker, T. & Fiore, D. (2001). Dealing with difficult parents. Eye On Education.The Provincial Code of Conduct, www.edu.gov.on.ca
Curriculum Services Canada (June 2011) Leadership Matters: Open-to-Learning Conversations Webcast
http://www.curriculum.org/projects/leadership-matters-open-to-learning
Abrams, J. (2009). Having Hard Conversations. Thousand Oaks: Corwin Press
Fisher, R. & Ury, W. (1983) Getting to Yes. New York: Penguin Books
Fisher, R. & Ertel, D. (1995) Getting Ready to Negotiate. New York: Penguin Books
Ontario Ministry of Education. (Winter, 2010) Ideas Into Action: Engaging in Courageous Conversations. http://www.edu.gov.on.ca/eng/policyfunding/leadership/IdeasIntoAction10.pdf
Ontario Principals’ Council (Tim Kearns) The Principals as Leader of Challenging Conversations. Toronto: OPC/Corwin Books, 2011
Patterson, K. et al. (2002). Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High. New York: McGraw-Hill
Patterson, K. et al. (2005) Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving Broken Promises, Violated Expectations, and Bad Behaviour. New York: McGraw-Hill
Scott, S. (2004) Fierce Conversations. New York: Berkley Publishing Group
Stone, D, Patton, B. & Heen, S. (1999) Difficult Conversations. New York: Penguin Books
Ury, W. (1993) Getting Past No – Negotiating Your Way from Confrontation to Cooperation. New York : Penguin Books
Mendler, A.N. (2006). Handling difficult parents: Successful strategies for educators. Rochester, NY: Discipline Associates.
Research links high achievement and appropriate behaviours at school to positive parent involvement in the education of their child. High achievement is also associated with strong parent-child communication at home.
This book offers many practical suggestions for working with parents that can be applicable in many settings. It addresses some of the topics below.
Why are parents difficult?
Strategies for setting the right tone with difficult parents.
Strategies to gain and keep parental support throughout the school year.
Strategies that provide support and advice for parents.
Strategies for handling difficult moments with parents.
Relationships with Parents
Fight the urge to interrupt angry parents when they say something that’s not true or not grounded. Be patient: wait and listen before you start correcting or setting the facts straight. Even if the parents still disagree with you, they will feel like you’ve listened.